Ready for Christmas

I remember my mother's collection of Christmas music boxes. My favorite was a ceramic house with a tiny ceramic Santa that would pop in and out of the chimney. I loved putting my finger on his little hat, hearing my Mom's voice saying lovingly but firmly, "Donnnnn't break it, Katy Callie!"

Christmas at the Callie house. For years, we invited the Finn and Kniaz families over to our house on Christmas Eve. Both of them were big families like ours, and the house was filled to the brim with people. Mom would make enough manicotti for an army. We all knew not to mess with her that day while she was cooking! I always felt so excited for this party; I loved dressing up and eating and hearing everyone talk. For years I felt too old to play with the little kids and too young to hobnob with the adults, so I just kind of floated around, listening in on conversations. I always wanted to join in, but never knew what to say. But that was okay. I've always enjoyed being along around large groups of people, listening intently to all their stories.

On Christmas Day, my family would gather around the nativity in the foyer while my Dad, a staunch Catholic, read bible verses aloud. Then we would spend hours opening gifts, drinking coffee, and enjoying each others company. We'd go to church, then open our stockings. We would play with our new toys. Then we would go over to the Finn's house for an early dinner.

Warm, sugar-coated days and nights spent with family and friends.

Showsick/Homesick

I went to see Man of La Mancha at Mesa Encore Theatre tonight, and WOW did it make me miss the production of it that I was in two years ago. (Two years ago, seriously?) I was going to say that I feel "showsick" for it, but the term "homesick" is actually more accurate. There was something about that cast and that production that felt like home. I want to go back to that time, do it all over again, and just stay there.

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?"

--Man of La Mancha

Things

GOOD:

• Spent a couple hours with my family in Tucson yesterday to celebrate my Adoption Day (which is actually the 15th, but I'll be out of town). Played Scrabble and my Mom sent me back with a pumpkin pie. Om nom nom. She also got me a Disney Princess greeting card that plays "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes." 'Cause I'm five years old, for real.
• Went shopping at Old Navy today because I desperately needed some new jeans. Turns out they were still having massive clearance sales, and I ended up getting a quite few pairs of jeans at deliciously low prices. Including a pair of skinny jeans! And they all look really good on me, which rarely happens. Scorrrre.
• My Dad called earlier to ask me to send him some ASU tuition statements for tax stuff. The conversation wasn't all strained and awkward and felt a little more natural. I hope things will continue to get a little better between us.
• My doctors appointment the other day went pretty well. He took a billion vials of blood to run a bunch of different tests on and ordered a sleep study, which I'll probably do in the next few weeks. Anxiously awaiting results.
• Derek is coming to visit AZ tomorrow! I haven't seen him in at least a year so I'm excited to catch up.

CRAPPY:

• I'm exhausted and scary depressed ALL. THE. TIME. I was so tired the other night that I barely remember being at Marissa's epic Harry Potter birthday party. The one thing I do remember is being so tired that I had trouble talking to people because I couldn't think of the right words to use. Later in the evening, I went into my room to check something on my laptop, dozed off, and drifted awake at like 6 AM. My life.
• My hair is ridiculous. Every time I've washed it since getting it cut, it just turns out greasy and disgusting. I try to only use a tiny bit of shampoo/conditioner, but still can't wash all of it out. Or something. It's driving me insane. I'm also pulling large clumps out of it. Awesome.

NOT SURE HOW I FEEL:

• Going to New York on Thursday to visit Steve. I feel like I really need to see him to get some closure, so I can figure out how to be friends. But I guess I'm kind of dreading it at the same time. I really just have no idea how to do this.
• School starts next week, and I don't know if I can actually handle it. I'm scared. And don't feel at all rested or refreshed from Winter Break, just more exhausted.

The meek shall inherit the Earth!

One of the movies I've been looking forward to seeing this season is Morning Glory. I was worried that it wouldn't be as good as the trailer made it out to be, but OHMAGOD. I'm overjoyed to report that it was SO. DAMN. GOOD. It was hysterical and attention-grabbing and inspiring. I am officially obsessed with Rachel McAdams' character, Becky. She's my new hero. While she's ambitious and hard-working, she's also sort of meek and scattered and awkward. But manages to completely kick ass. She keeps people in line and commands respect, but not in a way that's expected...in that she's in charge but still meek and awkward at the same time. Which is pretty much exactly how I want to be. I honestly liked the movie so much that I almost saw it AGAIN after I got back to Mesa tonight. But ended up feeling pretty worn out from not sleeping well last night and dealing with complete a-holes on the freeway. Plus I desperately wanted to spend some quality time with my kitty. :) So maybe I'll see it again tomorrow instead! (Ooh, and as an added bonus, Patrick Wilson is only a tiny part of the movie. Which is delightful because I CAN'T STAND HIM.)

Being in Tucson for Thanksgiving was nice, but I'm really happy to be back here. It was so great to see my family, especially siblings I hadn't seen in awhile! (Even though I was stupidly antisocial and kind of felt like a deadbeat family member sometimes.) Ooh, and I went through my bookshelves and plucked out a whole bunch of books that I'd bought years ago but either never got around to reading or just gave up on them halfway through. I've been ravenously devouring books recently, and I'm excited to dive into all these. But despite all that, I'm so happy to be back in Mesa. I missed my big bed, the kitties, fast internet, midnight bowls of Cocoa Puffs, and...I don't know, just being HERE. With all my familiar things. And with FREEWAYS. I can't remember how I used to function without freeways. As much as I love Tucson, there's just no way I'd ever be able to move back. Even visits longer than two days feel like moving backward. And I really just want to move forward now.