Hail Mary Pass

So, a few weeks ago in the middle of the night, a somewhat odd idea popped into my head. I decided to write letters to artistic directors of various contracted/professional theaters in the Valley asking them if I could observe rehearsals or shadow the choreographer on one of their musicals next season. I don't want to be an intern or get paid or anything like that, I just want to sit and watch. If I want to take choreographing musicals to the next level, I figured watching the production process of a professional theater might be a good thing to do. If this isn't possible, I asked if I could have a meeting to talk about how their theaters work. I included my artistic and work resumes, a list of professional references, my business card, and a DVD of my demo reels with the letter. Katy-in-an-envelope, off to Phoenix Theatre, Arizona Theatre Company, Hale Centre Theatre, and Arizona Broadway Theatre. I have no idea if this will work, if any of them will say yes, if they'll get the letter or even read it. But I suppose it can't hurt to try. Plus, it was good marketing practice. And kind of fun putting these bundles together.

I took my first modern class in months today. Karen let me drop in to her level II class. I got through and guess it went alright, but it's frustrating to feel so out of shape and out of touch with my body. The fact that I've put on so much weight that I can't even look at myself doesn't help, either. Meh. But I guess it's good to get moving again, especially if I intend on coming back full time next semester. I just need to suffer through being out of shape for awhile.

Still looking for a job, which is thoroughly irritating. I've filled out a million applications but have only heard back from two places; one interview one not-interested. Aghh. It doesn't help that all of these applications are online. I hate sending them out into an abyss where I have no idea if they'll be read or not. So I think I'll use my leftover self-marketing energy from contacting theaters to physically go to each place with a cover letter, resume, reference list and availability (I'm even willing to adjust my sleep schedule so I can work opening shifts at Starbucks or McDonald's). SOMEONE HIRE ME, PLEEEEASE. I desperately need a job.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not, but I'm taking a beginning painting class every Monday through Tempe Parks & Rec. And I love it! I was nervous about it since I can't draw, but the class actually focuses on learning how to use different kinds of paint rather than learning how to draw. Which is EXACTLY what I was looking for -- I art journal/make mixed-media collages as a hobby, and want to learn how different paints work so I can use them in my collages. The teacher is fabulous, I'm learning a lot, and get a three hour block of time each week to turn my brain off and play with paint. It's a relief to have something to look forward to.

Not much else has been happening recently. I'm still popping pills and getting used to each medication; I'm almost at the point where I'm supposed to feel something other than side effects, so we'll see how it goes. Still getting awful nightmares, too, and still feeling crappy-but-can't-sleep-through-it. Which is why I haven't really been updating, because all I usually end up doing is whining. Eh.

Time for bed now. Sleepy wave.

"It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes.
This is broadly true. But heaven has the best choreographers."
--Good Omens, Neil Gaiman & Terry Prachett

Painting and Writing

I had my second Alternative Painting Processes class tonight. I had to miss last week's lesson because of Sweet Charity (I hate Thursday shows!) so I'm a bit behind. But still having fun, even if I'm a very awkward painter. I can't get the hang of using a palette knife and am struggling with mixing colors. I seriously spent SEVERAL hours tonight during and after class back at home just trying to mix the shades of gray I needed. Who knew that gray would be so hard to make?! I got the hang of lighter grays, but am currently stuck on dark gray. My dark gray attempts keep turning out too green. Aghh. 

Anyway. Our teacher, Ryan, does some cuh-razy shit with acrylic paint! A running theme throughout his work is making silicone casts, filling them with acrylic paint, and incorporating the result into his paintings. It's like he literally makes 3D objects out of PAINT. I never would've thought that was possible. See an example HERE. All those little sheep are made out of acrylic paint using silicone casts. And he doesn't only use little plastic toys, either. He's made big boxes out of paint, full body casts, hands...INSANITY! So tonight he started teaching us how to make silicone casts so we can eventually do it ourselves. And that's only one of the awesome things we're learning...the other stuff is hard to explain in words. But SO. COOL.

One of my favorite authors, Natalie Goldberg, wrote this book about writing that I'm obsessed with called Writing Down the Bones. My sister lent it to me when I was really young and I loved it so much that I never gave it back...What a little shit I am. But anyway, Natalie Golberg has written dozens of books about writing since then, and I recently bought one called An Old Friend from Far Away, which is a book about writing memoirs. I've always loved reading and writing personal narratives and memoirs. So I started digging into the book over the past few weeks.

Oddly enough, I've been really scared to actually start writing. She gives all these great exercises and prompts, but every time I grab a pen I freeze up. I absolutely LOVE to write and I write very well, but getting started is always the challenge. I think it's because I'm a good writer and therefore I feel like I should always produce good writing (it's the same with choreography, oy veh). Last night I went to Target and bought a cheap 70-sheet notebook and then just stared at it when I got home. Too scared to move forward. But tonight I started writing. I intended to start small and write for 10 uninterrupted minutes, but ended up going for 40. I've been reading in her books about how if you just get started, everything will come out of you. But lately I just haven't trusted that sentiment. It is SO TRUE, though. Particularly when you are writing about memories or personal experiences. One memory triggers another and another and all of a sudden 40 minutes have passed. It's incredible how it all just pours out. And of course that scares me, too. Because remembering things can be so emotional and bring back feelings that we may or may not want to feel. But I'm hoping to overcome that, because I have so much that I want to write and have been holding back for a long time. I've been scared of my thoughts and memories. But now I don't want to stop. I'm hoping to fill the notebook by the end of the month.

READ NATALIE GOLDBERG. Her books can actually be applied to a myriad of other things besides writing. I love her.

Into the woods, it's time to go.

"Better stop and take stock
while you're standing here stuck
on the steps of the palace."
--Into the Woods: "On the Steps of the Palace"

I'm rediscovering Into the Woods. It's always a perfect epic metaphor for whatever is going on in one's life. And chock full of COUNTLESS incredible quotes.

I started withdrawing from classes today, and sending necessary emails to TAs and whatnot. I still have to email Mary (Modern teacher) and Eileen (Creative Tools teacher) to ask about auditing their classes since I still want to participate, I just can't handle the work. It all left me very glum and queasy, even if it's what I need to do.

So I forced myself out of the house to buy supplies for a community school art class I'm taking (more on that in a second), then met Steve for dinner at Liberty Market. I love that place. Such fabulous food, desserts and coffee, and I love all the people that work there. I had tasty pasta, then Irish Coffee and a snickerdoodle. Liberty Market is the ONLY place that makes snickerdoodles as good as my family. Then I bought a chocolate truffle cookie for later, and got pints of their tasty caprese pasta salad and sweet potato salad. Feeling a little better about things now, all Irish Coffee warm and fuzzy. Liberty Market has amazing healing powers.

So this art class I signed up for is called Alternative Painting Processes and it's a 6-week night class given through the ASU community school. I've been wanting to take it for a long time, but haven't had my nights free until now. It's basically a class in funkier non-traditional art things like acrylic transfers, encaustic, and COLLAGE (which I LOVE). MY kind of art class. I had fun shopping for supplies tonight, even though art stuff is SO expensive. But I now own all these snazzy tubes of acrylic paint with delicious names like Dioxazine Purple, Titanium White, Cerulean Blue, and my favorite name: Alizarin Crimson (mostly because it's used in the song "Wear Your Love Like Heaven" originally by Donovan, but I love the Sarah McLachlan version the best). I'm really excited to get crazy with something different.

"So then which do you pick:
Where you're safe, out of sight,
and yourself, but where everything's wrong?
Or where everything's right
and you know that you'll never belong?"
--Into the Woods: "On the Steps of the Palace"