Go, Girl, Seek Happy Nights to Happy Days.

I'm so grateful to have grown up with Shakespeare. I've been reading, performing and seeing Shakespeare plays since I was a little girl, and have loved his work for as long as I can remember. Even when I have no idea what a line means, it's so beautiful that I don't even care that I don't understand it. They're words that you go swimming in, wrap around you like a warm blanket, drink down ravenously while simultaneously savoring each drop. Frank McCourt wrote the most perfect simile in Angela's Ashes, saying that "[he] loved the Shakespeare," and that reading it aloud was like having jewels in his mouth. I completely agree. I remember when we read it out loud in my freshman english class in high school, and I got to read the balcony scene with one of my friends for the whole class. So much fun! Definitely one of my favorite high school memories.

There is something so timeless and versatile about his work. You can keep putting on productions year after year and it never gets old, because there is so much you can do with it. I loved the Shakespeare shows at the U of A--the dystopian industrial Victorian Romeo & Juliet, the stripped down Titus Andronicus with RIVERS of blood and stage directions projected on a screen. Infinite possibilities!

I would so love to be a part of a Shakespeare play again. Even just preparing for Southwest Shakespeare auditions has been great. I doubt I'll get cast in anything, but at least the preparation process felt wonderful. They have a great season coming up, too, and I can't wait to see them all. Also, I'm taking a Shakespeare english class this fall. I'm nervous and excited! Those classes are tough, but I love it. HOLY HELL I JUST LOVE SHAKESPEARE! I can understand how people are intimidated by it, but I honestly don't understand how people have such hate and disdain for it. Impossible!

"Away from light steals home my heavy son
And private in his chamber pens himself,
Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out,
and makes himself an artificial night."
--Romeo & Juliet (Act I, Scene 1)

Audition Frenzy

So. Tired.

May is chock full of auditions. I started tonight by auditioning for Hairspray at Desert Stages. It went...alright. I did really well with the dance portion, and did it in my three-inch LaDuca's, too! Bam! Dancing well actually surprised me, because I haven't done much dancing recently. It was a nice feeling. However, I went on to mess up my song, and I had a feeling that would happen. I was trying out "Show Off" from The Drowsy Chaperone as a test-run for Phoenix Theatre auditions, and sang a section with an odd key change against my better judgment. I did fine with it while I practiced on my own, but botched it tonight. BUT, I just started that bit over and finished well. I'm wondering if I should use a different section (even though the section I originally wanted to use has kind of a complex piano bit that I'm wary about giving to an accompanist to sight-read) or just use a different song. Hm. Live and learn. But I'm glad I messed up in a familiar environment like DST instead of at Phoenix Theatre generals. I'll find out about casting in the next couple weeks (hopefully).

In the meantime, I'm doing Southwest Shakespeare Company auditions this Friday, Phoenix Theatre auditions on the 14th, possibly doing Arizona Theatre Company auditions on the 17th, and if I don't get cast in Hairspray, I'll audition for Little Shop of Horrors at Hale on the 31st. I really miss performing, so I hope I get cast in SOMETHING. I'm really excited about the monologues I'm doing for once, all of them from shows I love. I'm using Linda's monologue from Talk Radio for Phoenix Theatre, and Juliet's sweet little monologue from Romeo & Juliet Act III Scene 2 for Southwest Shakespeare. On the off-chance that the Shakespeare guys request to see a second monologue (we have to prepare two, but the second one is only by request), I'm using the Tamora-as-Revenge one from Titus Andronicus. Yay! Now I just have to finish memorizing and working on the damn things.

I'm exhausted. Auditions tonight were lonnnng and draining. Time to crash.

 

"And when I shall die,
take him and cut him out in little stars,
and he will make the face of heaven so fine
that all the world will be in love with night
and pay no worship to the garish sun."
--Romeo & Juliet (Act III, Scene 2)

Update Triptych

I)
I finally started seeing a therapist. I was really anxious about my first appointment because I was worried she wouldn't "feel right" and I'd have to keep searching for another one, but luckily I instantly felt at ease with her. (Heh, it sounds like we're dating or something. We're not.) And it sounds silly, but she looks a lot like Judy Greer, which I find very comforting because Judy Greer is one of my favorite actresses. Also, she worked at ASU for years, so she has a lot of experience working with college students (she's even seen a lot of dancers) AND she knows her way around all the bureaucratic stuff there and is going to help me get a medical withdrawal. I honestly didn't think that I'd qualify for one, but apparently I do. It's a relief having a therapist who knows the system and has worked with a lot of people my age.
I've been going to her for almost a month, and I'm learning a lot. And verrrry slowly progressing, which is difficult because I'm impatient and hate baby steps. The sessions surprisingly always feel wayyy too short. I'm constantly feeling like I have so much more that I want to talk about than we have time for, and wish we could just talk for like six hours over a pint of Haagen-Dazs. Buuut we can't. So I'm learning to just take things slowly. She had me bring in some photos the other day, and it was really interesting to hear an outside perspective on all of them. I was pretty blown away by what she saw.
The subject of medication has come up, of course, but I'm really wary about it. I'm terrified of the side-effects, particularly with SSRIs, because they even have side-effects when you STOP taking it. Agh. But I'm thinking about it, because even though I'm learning a lot, the heaviness I feel is making it incredibly difficult to do a lot of the things I need to do. So I would love some perspective on SSRIs, pleeeease! You can message me on FB if you don't feel comfortable commenting on it here.
Even though progress is slow, I still feel a lot of relief just from starting therapy. I just wish I'd taken care of this years ago, before it wreaked this much havoc on my life.

II)
I'm auditioning for Phoenix Theater on May 23rd, and am so nervous! I've never really done season auditions before and feel really green. I desperately want in on these shows. I'm auditioning for Saraghina in Nine, obviously, because I want to play that role so badly it hurts! And I feel like I have a decent shot at it, even though I'm sure I'll be competing against every big curvy belter in Phoenix. Even if I don't get the role, I have a feeling another opportunity will pop up eventually. I'm also auditioning for Hairspray! I originally just wanted an ensemble role, but I'm shooting for Tracy. I thought I was too thin for the role (Ha! I don't think I've ever been able to say that before!), but everyone I've talked to says that they usually pad the actress even if she's already the right body type. Plus, I sang through the show on the way to Tucson the other day to make sure I could handle the role vocally, and I totally CAN. So, what the hell! I don't have anything to lose auditioning for Tracy, because I desperately just want to BE IN THE SHOW no matter what role!!!! Hairsprayyyy!
We have to prepare 16 bars of a ballad and 16 bars of an uptempo song, as well as a monologue. My dear friend JP, who directed Man of La Mancha, introduced me to "The Miller's Son" from A Little Night Music awhile ago and I instantly fell in love with it. So I'm singing that as my ballad (even if accompanists have trouble sightreading Sondheim...eek). And definitely adding Petra to my list of dream roles! I've finally decided on "Always True to You (In My Fashion)" from Kiss Me Kate as my uptempo song. I really wanted to do "A Trip to the Library" from She Loves Me, but I can't find the damn sheet music anywhere. But "Always True to You" is a little more upbeat, anyway, plus it shows off my range a little more. I chose a monologue from Catholic Schoolgirls, and am totally going to channel my 7 year old niece, Bryn. Because it's all stuff that she would totally say. I really need to get memorizing. Gahh. I'M NERVOUS! But excited. I'm hoping that I'll at least make it to the dance callback just based on my dance experience alone?
I'm also hoping to audition for Southwest Shakespeare that same weekend, if I can memorize two classical monologues in time. IT IS GOING TO BE ONE CRAZY WEEKEND. They're doing A Midsummer Night's Dream, which is my absolute favorite Shakespeare play. I've been in it several times as a kid, and would love to do it again. I think I'll shoot for Helena. Which is kind of funny, because I just played Helene in Sweet Charity. Helene to Helena! But, like with Hairspray, I'd be happy with any role. I just love that show and it's been way too long since I've done any Shakespeare.
Preparing for PT auditions has made me realize how much more of a range I have. I really thought I was just a solid alto, but I've been working a lot on my belt and can surprisingly hit much higher notes with it than I thought I could. And I know I could develop more control once I start taking voice lessons (the potential teacher I'm interested in hasn't emailed me back, meh). It's just been a constant surprise discovering this whole new part of myself. I almost feel like I could qualify as a mezzo-soprano (in the musical theater sense, not opera obviously), but I'm not sure. It does make me very happy, though!

III)
I'm going to Tucson today for Kay's graduation tonight, and Justine's graduation dinner tomorrow. My girls are all grown up! Justine just got a job offer in San Francisco and is apparently moving there in like five seconds. It makes me really sad, especially because I've been disgustingly out of touch with her recently (my fault), but I'm so happy for her of course. And happy to have a place to stay in San Francisco! I'm so excited to see two of my favorite ladies, and especially see them graduate. Buncha badasses.

And that's pretty much what's been going on in my life recently. Apologies for the verboseness.

P.S. I forgot to mention that we might be getting kitties. :D All I need to do is call up my friend Nathan who has them. Except that I HATE talking on the phone and am too nervous. (But I want kitties!)