Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

I've slept most of this week. I just haven't felt like staying awake...Or, it's more like I can't drum up the energy to stay awake. And I would definitely love to stay awake, seeing as 99% of my dreams are vividly unsettling or full-blown nightmares (like the one I had last night where Aaron Echolls was chasing me. Unnnnsettling. Most likely brought on from re-watching season one of Veronica Mars with Steve, who had never seen it. Aaron Echolls is a scary man.) Anyway. The point is, I'm sleeping too much. And am kind of trapped in a vicious sleep circle--the more I sleep, the more weak/exhausted I feel; yet I don't have enough energy or motivation to fight through it and wake up. It's annoying.
So I'm up in the middle of the night right now, doing one of my favorite insomniac activities: reading The Pioneer Woman. Of course, I really don't cook. I have sparse cooking skills and my impatience with it overwhelms my desire to get better at it. But I inexplicably love reading food blogs like Pioneer Woman. I think in the back of my mind I know I'll eventually start cooking a little more in the future and probably still won't be that great at it, but will be better than I am now. Anyway. I'm reading her recipe for Decadent Chocolate Milk right now, but had to stop temporarily when I got to the part where she mentions semi-sweet chocolate. Because it triggered a series of totally random childhood memories.

When I wasn't at home, I spent the majority of my childhood hanging out with my oldest friends, Justine and Lanie. I met them when I randomly walked out of my house at age three or so, and toddled over to their house out of all the houses in our neighborhood. I remember I was wearing my white Mary Jane shoes that had the little hole punch pattern on the toe. Remember those kinds of shoes? I wandered over to their house, knocked on the door, and met their Mama (her name is June) and met Justine. Little Lanie was asleep in her crib, so we all had to whisper and tip-toe. June called my Mama who was frantic with worry by then, and I was returned to my house. That was pretty much the catalyst for a lifelong friendship, as I continued to stay friends with Justine and Lanie while my Mama continued to stay friends with their Mama.

Some of the most vivid memories I have of summer afternoons spent at their house revolve around food. We ate a lot of random things. June would make us "Dunkers," soft-boiled eggs which we ate with strips of toast. Or we would take out the tub of Nutella, and dip spoonfuls of it into Rice Krispies before eating it. I remember dreading when June would make us PB&J, because she made it with refrigerated bread, which I've always hated the taste of (and still hate to this day). But I never liked to complain when I was a guest in someone's house, so I ate it anyway. In terms of more decadent, ridiculous snacks, I remember Justine loved eating sweetened condensed milk right out of the can. I never really liked that. But we all loved the gluttonous joy of eating entire cans of cherry pie filling with a spoon! We usually had to do it secretly, because ohhh how our Moms hated that! A few years later, their stepdad John, who is from Brazil, would cook Brazilian meals for us. There is nothing more orgasmic than Brazilian steak, or that really delicious rice with the powdery stuff on top (I forgot the name). June's best friend, Mary Beth, who Justine and Lanie referred to as "Auntie," was the proprietor and cake chef at Maribelle Cakery. We loved visiting the kitchen and stealing spoonfuls of frosting, or sampling her latest recipe. Whenever Justine and Lanie had a birthday, we always had a deliciously outrageous cake from Maribelle to eat.

Oddly enough, one of my favorite snacks was the most simple: semi-sweet chocolate chips. We'd pour them into the dainty little glasses that June usually used for Dunkers. But Justine, Lanie and I would use them for eating cupfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips while watching TV shows after school or during the summer. Every time I eat a semi-sweet chocolate chip, I definitely taste those childhood afternoons. And remember all the other random and delicious food we ate growing up. I just bought a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips from the grocery store for exactly this reason. All I need are some soft-boiled egg glasses to eat them out of.

Anticlimax and "Fiction" Reading

Sweet Charity closed yesterday. It's always bizarre closing on a matinee. Matinee performances almost always have mellower crowds, which is just weird energy to end a show on. In my experience with Phoenix community theater thus far, the second-to-last performance is always the best one...and I usually prefer to remember those performances as the "last" ones. I remember doing Man of La Mancha at exactly this time last year, and I remember our second-to-last show being electrifying. The house was completely sold out, I had tears streaming down my face during the finale (so good for high notes), and we got a standing ovation. Then the closing matinee the next day was...fine.

It was the same with Sweet Charity. Saturday night's performance was hands down our best of the run, despite some minor mess-ups. We had a big, responsive, energetic audience that was FULL of people I knew. Some I already knew were coming--Kay and her brother Paul who came up from T-Town (yayyyyy!), Marissa and Steve--and some I had no idea were coming and was so overjoyed to see! The incredible Felicia who was one of my Harlem dancers in Ragtime who I haven't seen in far too long, Jeff who played Tateh in Ragtime, Michael Stewart who I saw in World Goes 'Round last year at Desert Foothills but didn't officially meet in person until last weekend at the City of Angels cast party, and the wonderful Cat who was in Kiss Me Kate with me last year who came with her sweet husband Josh (they're such a great couple). I think that's everyone? It was just a blur of awesomeness so I may have forgotten some people. It was a great night. Annnnd then the closing matinee. My DST friends Chris and Jennifer came and it was so great to see them, but it was a pretty small crowd (Easter Sunday) and not our best performance. IT'S ALL JUST SO ANTICLIMACTIC.

After gathering all my stuff, saying goodbyes/see you laters (another anticlimactic part) and discovering that the restaurant I wanted to go to was closed for Easter, I grabbed Panda Express and went home. After I washed my face, ate, internetted, and watched some West Wing (DAMN that "18th & Potomac" episode!), all the post-show adrenaline had worn off completely and I was EXHAUSTED. Even the glorious new Star Wars review couldn't keep me awake! I watched one part, then ended up falling asleep. AT NINE O'CLOCK. I'm NEVER able to fall asleep at nine!

I woke up this morning at 4 AM, inexplicably craving pasta like mad, and couldn't go back to sleep. So I went through 63 pages of updates on my Tumblr dashboard--that's what happens when you neglect Tumblr for a few days--and watched some Gilmore Girls and started reading blogs.

There's this girl I was vaguely acquainted with in middle school and high school named Gina. I knew her because she was part of the musical theater crowd and I filled her soprano spot in the girl's quartet I sang with. Now she's a military wife, personal trainer, nutritional advisor and raw food chef who I recently discovered writes a prolific blog called The Fitnessista. I've been reading it a lot lately. Even if her writing is full of silly slang/substitute words (please don't ever call a banana a "nanner" around me), emoticons and Spanglish, it's still an enjoyable and fascinating read, and she really knows what she's talking about. I find it fascinating because I do NOT know how this girl has the energy for her lifestyle. She works out every day in addition to teaching group fitness classes and personal training appointments, and eats raw/vegan meals and snacks until dinnertime. The amount of effort that goes into that kind of diet just staggers me. I don't even know what the hell she's talking about half the time. Maca seeds? Millet croutons? Chia seeds? Shallor? Good GOD. Even if I wanted to take on a raw diet, I don't know what any of this IS let alone where to buy it or how to pronounce it.

I do wish I could cook, though. Or rather, have the patience and energy to cook. I also wish I could be as active as Gina is. She has all these fitness plans on her blog, and I was like "Oooh, I want to try!" ...and then I stopped reading halfway through because I knew there was no way I'd ever be able to do all that. These gym people fascinate me. Which is the reason I've been oddly addicted to her blog recently. I read blogs like this almost as if they're fiction, because I feel like a lifestyle like that is so impossible. That's really the only way I can describe it. And this is all similar to my weird addiction to reading The Pioneer Woman or various cupcake blogs for hours on end, as if I'd ever be capable of cooking like that. Even the easy recipes feel too hard and time consuming. Plus I have no idea how to dice garlic cloves or whatever the hell she does. So until my Fairy Godmother knocks me on the head with her magic wand and bestows some magical cooking/gym-going power on me, I live vicariously through these crazy blogs and wonder how they do it all.