I came down to Tucson today for Father's Day, and am going right back up tomorrow since I have some doctors appointments to go to.
There's something about being in Tucson that makes me feel really uneasy. I don't know why. Maybe it's because every time I come back here, even for a short visit, I feel like I'm moving backwards. I have a life in Phoenix now. And every time I'm in Tucson, I miss my Phoenix life. I love Tucson and always will; I was never one of those people who are all bitter about having to live here and can't wait to leave, blah blah blah. But for some reason, I no longer feel comfortable here. It's "home" but it doesn't really feel like home anymore.
The nostalgic part of me feels sad about that. But the part of me that wants big things and looks toward the future is relieved that I feel more at home in Phoenix than I do in Tucson. Because maybe if I feel at home in Phoenix, maybe one day I'll feel at home in New York or Tel Aviv or London or Dublin or Edinburgh; wherever I end up. It makes me feel like even though I get fiercely attached to everything, I'll eventually be able to move forward. That's a very comforting thought.
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