Thursday, April 1, 2010

If My Friends Could See Me Now...

I am terrified of myself. I'm not really sure what I've devolved into, but I'm terrified of it. I feel all foggy and blocked up and confused, and scared because I can't break out of it. There is something that is keeping me asleep and behind closed doors all day, avoiding sunlight and people and anything else that I can possibly avoid. I don't think I've ever been this scared of myself. There was this person I used to be, the person dancing in that video, who was excited and passionate and on the verge of huge things. I'm not that person anymore. Or at least, that person is trapped under something heavy and can't move or fight. I used to feel everything and now I feel nothing. Except sadness and fear over the fact that I feel nothing. And that's all. That's who I am now. And I have absolutely no idea how to break out of this and fix myself. I thought I did, but it turns out that everything is so much more difficult than I ever could've imagined. Practically impossible. I don't know what to do.

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