I still have writing from the airport and airplane that I intend on sharing soon. But right now, I need to let you know some things. First of all, I am so sorry if this scares you. Or if I've scared you. I have been in the position where I've feared for a friend's life, and it's awful. It's not my intention to put that on any of you. I feel like I'm hurting everyone, and I'm so sorry that I can't snap out of this for you all. After writing down some very scary memories and thoughts tonight (which I'm not sure if I want to post yet), and thinking about some other things that I can't get out of my head, I started crying and shaking. Uncontrollably. So much so that I ended up vomiting.
I've decided not to go to class tomorrow--well, today. I am going to take care of some things, drive Derek to the airport, talk to my therapist and parents. I think that I may have to be hospitalized. And soon. I have been thinking about this for the past couple of months, and tonight I feel I've reached a point where I could potentially be a danger to myself if drastic steps are not taken. Please know that nothing will happen to me tonight. I'm sure of it. But I know that I can't make it through another night like this. So I intend on getting more help.
Again, I'm so sorry for everything.